I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
