My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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