Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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