this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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