Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
