I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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