just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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