69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
