I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
