You made me cry and you don't even care
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
