yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
