those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
