his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
