the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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