He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
