It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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