I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
