You're completely useless in the revolution.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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