peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
