Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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