They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
