Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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