there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
