So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
