Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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