Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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