Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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