All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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