woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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