I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
