The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
