Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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