I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
