I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
