I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
