Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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