Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
