my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think your dad took our porno
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
