So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
