hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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