I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
