His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
