nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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