tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
