my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
