On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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