her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
