making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
