I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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