there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
