you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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