You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
