That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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