Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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