K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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