Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
