Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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