his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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