WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
