hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
