i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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