i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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