the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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