you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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