Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Randomize
