I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
