i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
