mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Welp...herpes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
