Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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